Reviewing.

I've always been dreaming of a 'retreat'.  A month in a province where I don't know anyone, where I can spend hours of silence alone in a house infront of the ocean.  I want to fall asleep while thinking about my life, while the sound of waves make me forget about it.  In the backyard I'll grow beautiful flowers of all colors, plant fruits and vegetables I'll use to flavor my meals, and raise a cute white puppy.  I'll take morning strolls at the beach and maybe protect baby turtles while I'm at it.  In the afternoons I'll swim (let's pretend I can) while I watch the sun paint the sky gold before it finally plunges into deep sleep.

Unfortunately, my life can't be that cinematic at the moment.  I have to be stuck at home to keep an eye on my sister, wash dishes, and make sure ironed clothes are returned to their respective closets.  I get to play Cityville in between.

This is not just the polar opposite of what I prayedhopedimaginedfantasized; they're not even on the same universe.  I wanted to be alone, at peace, and rested.  I ended up being one click away from everything.

But only now did I realize that I didn't need to runaway to seclusion to be alone with my thoughts.  Because I am, and always have been.  Ironic, how you're chatting with 5 people at the same time, yet feel you have noone to really talk to.

I don't know if it's the heat, or my sudden imprisonment, but now I can't help but question everything around me, and I mean everything.  Especially those ideas, thoughts, and feelings I've had for years, back when all I do was absorb without filtering, and obey without questioning.  I feels good, actually.  But a bit frightening when you realize you might have nothing to believe in anymore.

One thing's for sure though, I still want that 'retreat' and I will get it someday.  Have a peaceful week.

They need me! (Photo:http://www.hedweb.com)