I had my heart broken once, and it wasn’t nice.
It was the first time I ever wanted something so bad, and, more importantly, did something about It. I didn’t just daydream about It, I chased It. And It looked at me, talked to me, and made me wait.
I spent 90% of my time thinking about It. I spent the other 10% trying not to.
It made me think It would be mine. Everyone around me thought so as well.
After months of waiting, I found out It picked someone else. It didn’t even say anything to me. That didn’t stop me from hoping and thinking It may have just made a mistake.
But soon it became pretty clear that It didn’t choose me.
My mother said maybe the Lord has other plans. I wondered if the Lord whispered to It that He has other plans for me.
During times like these, people come up with all the positive things to say to try to cheer you up. You try to smile to show you appreciate their efforts, but deep inside you just want them to stop with all the BS.
Years after, I no longer cry when I think about It. I know things would be different if It chose me. It felt like I missed a life, in a different dimension. What things could have happened there, I don’t even want to think of.
If, say the Lord wants to make up for not giving me a notice that He had other plans for me and gave me a ticket to the past, to that very day I first saw It, but without the knowledge of what is to happen, that I will get dumped, cry for nights, and how it will all turn out; I will still probably chase It. Blind as to how It can hurt me one day.
I hope I can put my longing and spite for It to rest now. But there are just some feelings that make you think they’ve died, but still haunts you every now and then.
To It, the jerk who broke my heart, I can list down a hundred reasons for me to not want you, but I know that one call from you would keep me up all night.
Nonetheless, things didn't turn out so bad. For all I know, things could have turned out for the best. But why do I still see the ghost of It?
Sigh.
**It is not a person. No, not because It is a monster or something. But It really is not a person. Although I'm assuming this is also how it would feel like to be in love, rejected, and still have feelings for that person. Only, I wouldn't probably write as calmly as this. Heck, I wouldn't even write about it.
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