Now that I've finished watching every episode of RuPaul's Drag Race, I had the time to rethink the last couple of months. And it's just now that I realized; I'm pissed.
First, our room got painted almost neon apple green and not so brilliant hot pink. It gives me a headache every single time. Every waking hour, I see the 3rd ugliest shade of green. And at night, I can still effing see it. I would rather see it unpainted. The gray uneven cement color would have been better.
Add to that, our rooms got 'tidied up'. In short, all my things were put in a box. Literally. My mom opened this box awhile ago, looking for my sister's earmuff (because no one has a clue where everything is now and I knew exactly where everything was when it was still 'messy') and she was like, "Oh look, all your things are here". OH REALLY. So that explains why I can't even find my eyeliner. Until now, I'm mad that my personal space got invaded AND violated. I am quite a sentimental person and I like keeping things like letters, receipts, notes, etc. in my special drawer. I started doing that since I can remember. But when I opened it after the 'cleaning', all I saw was a microphone, old CD's and tiny carton boxes. I cried myself to sleep that night.
And then I go further to September. I realized how terrified I was during the two days I shot my thesis film. I didn't like it. I hated it. I've been to a lot of shoots before and the role of the director didn't seem that difficult when I was doing production designs. But when it was my turn to direct, I felt like I would give anything just to get out of it. It was scary because every single person present on set is depending on you. They all came there to help (payed or not, but mostly not), and they are relying on you to make something wonderful out of all their hard work. Everyone is exhausted and only I can decide when it's time to call it a day. There were times in my shoot when I just wanted to pretend I'm having internal bleeding and just collapse and be in coma for a year. It was that bad. I am just glad it's over and I don't think I'll ever shoot something like that anytime soon. Sigh, the culmination of my student life.
Lastly, I realized how wrong it was that when I broke up with someone, some friends were like "But we can still be friends with him, right?"
Yes, I'm holding up good. Thanks for asking. Oh, wait, you didn't ask! Yes, sure, actually, if it's not fine with him, I'll keep my distance from you all. I don't want to ruin any friendship now, do I? Go on, ask how he is, comfort him. I'll just be here in the corner when you need me dear.
And before I forget, I am most enraged by that kid who stole my coin purse back in 1st grade. I am mad at myself for just watching her walk up to my bag, open it, and take my purse. I caught her stealing and I just watched. I should have punched that little girl in the face. A year later, I heard she stole cotton candy from another student. Criminal.
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